I ate a banana today.  No big deal, I've eaten them before.  Usually, when I eat a banana, I hear my Mom's voice in my head, reminding me that I have a Potassium problem, and that I should eat at least one banana a day.  A few Christmases ago, she gave me a wooden banana "tree", which was a very decorative display for the bananas she hoped I would have on hand, apparently, for my "potassium problem". 

I thought of Mom today when I had my banana.  I thought of her today when my daughter called with a big "problem".  Her "problem" reminded me of similar problems I had when, like her, I was in college.  My thought process, as usual, was, "what would my Mom have said to me?".  I didn't handle it as Mom would have, because I am not her.   Mom would have listened, and "nudged" me into a more passive mood.  I verbally grabbed my daughter by the hair and tried to drag her thought process and emotions to the place I wanted her to be.

When I was exactly my daughter's age, I was driving down from NAU to Tucson for the weekend, and did what my Mom would call a "Crismon".  I changed lanes, miscalculated, and literally forced a woman into the median.  I kept my eyes on the rear view mirror and actually saw her mouth the word "shit", but somehow kept driving.  I knew that my Mom and Dad would be suitably appalled at my actions, but I was 20, and kept driving.   After hyperventilating to a fairly dangerous point, I pulled off and called my Mom.  She listened patiently, and asked me if I was near a Dairy Queen.  When I replied that, yes, there was one on the corner, she told me to get a milkshake, settle down, and come on home.

I think about my Mom, this incredible woman who literally plucked me out of a dangerous and horrible situation and fused me into her family, about 50 times a day.  Not because she died recently, but because I have built my adulthood, my parenthood and my very existence upon the wonderfully wise things she told me.   There is not enough paper, or a forum large enough for me to adequately describe how this woman literally saved my life and "nudged" me into adulthood. 

In one of my last conversations with her, I told her how incredibly lucky I felt to have her in my life.  I told her that she never had to love me, because I wasn't her biological daughter.  By virtue of her marriage to my father, she inherited the job of motherhood to two broken kids, and we never felt that she gave us any less love and affection that she bestowed upon her own biological children.  Her reply, quite simply was, "Crismon, of course I loved you.  I couldn't help myself".

Mom was, and is an incredible gift to anyone who knew her.  She enveloped me in her love, and gently steered and guided me into a productive and happy life.  The love she gave to her community is a small example of the influence she has had upon her children.   How lucky am I?  She didn't give birth to me, but became my mom in every sense of the word.

We all need to recognize the gifts my Mom gave us.   We need to cherish them, put them in our hearts, and utilize them as my Mom would have expected.  We need to never forget that heart, and spread that love to everyone we know.

There is a legal concept and rule which is called the Rule Against Perpetuities.  Simply put, nothing lasts forever.  Another legal concept bites the dust.  My Mom will live forever in all of the lives she touched.

Crismon Cooper